Published on July 6th, 2016 | by Tae0
Things you never expected to say as a parent…
Before I had children, I had no idea about the sheer amount of bizarre phrases and questions I’d have to say on a daily basis. Those moments that you have to take a step back and ask yourself; “Did I really just have to say that?”.
We spend so much time saying weird stuff to our kids, it doesn’t become weird anymore until all the kids are finally fast asleep in bed for the night and you sit down and really think about the things you’ve had to say to them today.
Seeing as how my kids are quite young, I’m looking forward to many, many more years of strange sentences and weird requests, but for now, here’s a few of my recent favourites;
Don’t put your mouth on the toilet!
Seriously. Don’t do that. I have no idea why you’d even want to do that. Unbelievably gross.
We don’t wear knickers around our necks!
Civilised people don’t anyway. Toddlers, though. Apparently they do.
Please don’t ride the dog…
I don’t think our throwback Pomeranian is quite suited to carrying children on his back.
Please don’t stick your hand down my throat.
I actually had to say that. Serves me right for letting my kid’s hand get too close to my mouth I guess!
Don’t bark at the Postman!
You’re a human, not canine. I really don’t want our home to be known as “the one with the weird barking kids”at the local post office.
I wouldn’t feed you squashed ladybirds on toast!
I can kind of see the resemblance strawberry jam has to squashed ladybirds I guess.
Deep down, I know I’ll really miss this part of parenting when my babies are all grown up and aware of what’s reasonable and what’s not. It adds some much needed humour into parenting, so I’m definitely in no rush to stop saying weird things to my kids!